It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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