I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
