There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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