haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
