You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
