Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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