how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
