Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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