I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
