you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
