He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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