you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
