we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
