found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
