Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
