Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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