I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
