she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
