i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
