Whod you bang
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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