These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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