I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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