Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
