We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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