Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
