I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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