obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
