Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
