oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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