I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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