Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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