just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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