I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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