She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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