you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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