He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
