their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
