why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
