I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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