There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
