um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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