Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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