I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
