Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
