i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
