I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
