I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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