How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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