I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I believe in your delicious
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
