Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
