So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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