oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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