Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
