dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
