Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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