I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
