if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
