You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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