I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
