literally had 100 drinks last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
