People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
