just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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