Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
