help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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