I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
