It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
