Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
