Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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