I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
