So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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