haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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