Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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