He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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