Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
