Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
